Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
