ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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