I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
