put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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