HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
