So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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