They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
