Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
