All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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