I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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