Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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