Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
then he tried to convert me to islam
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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