I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
