I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
