Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So squirting runs in the family.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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