I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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