I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
