He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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