i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
