No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
