my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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