He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
