he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
