did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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