It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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