3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
