Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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