I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
