Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There r osticjed everywhere
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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