I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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