i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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