It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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