I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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