what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The best revenge is premature balding
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
