Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
