I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
