yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
