4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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