Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
