The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
