I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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