yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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