I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
