Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
my poor anus
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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