I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
tell me about the fingering
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