____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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