i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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