This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
