Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
