You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize