i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
