I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We smell like vodka and hangover
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