He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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