Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
